Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
