I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
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