hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
