When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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