It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
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