u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
