Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
