I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
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