Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
