If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
