i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
You were trust falling into bushes
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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