so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
