i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize