Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
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