HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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