I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Randomize
