So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Randomize
