It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
This toilet bowl is my home.
Randomize
