what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
