Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
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