Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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