The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
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