I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished�
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
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