just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Houston, we have a blender
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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