he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Randomize
