So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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