Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
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