I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
The dick lei will go down in squad history
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