so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Randomize
