My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Randomize
