We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
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