Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
