Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
