thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Randomize
