she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
