Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
