Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
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