Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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