Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Randomize
