i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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