Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Randomize
