her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Randomize
