we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
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