just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
