By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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