I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I'm jealous of your bromance
im holly from the hills drunk
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
