this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
