Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Randomize
