her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I just gargled with NyQuil
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
