Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
